...:::Beautiful Angel:::...

2010-04-30T09:13:00.000+08:00

~beautifulangel~

Is this how its supposed to be??

2010-01-23T23:02:00.002+08:00

Have you ever felt that you tried so hard and done so much, but it never got you anywhere or you never moved up the ladder?? Its really hard to be in such a situation. There is no motivation at all, to move further or try some more. But you know that you have to carry on and try even harder, to win the hearts of others or just to get by your normal day.

Some people may never get that feeling! And sometimes, they are the ones who push you even further down the steps that you have tried so hard to climb. You take one step forward and they push you down two steps. I know many people will say try harder next time or this is life. I know that too!! But how much can one person take??

There are so many things to think about! No one knows what is going through someone else's mind! They may be having good intentions or even bad ones, but no one can read another's mind. For all you know, the person sitting next to you might be thinking of killing him/herself!

You may be staring right into space and your mind just goes blank, blank from thinking of everything that has been happening and how that person can make things better. Thinking of work, life, everything that is happening in and around!! Its is really very difficult!! How does a person not breakdown and stay strong among all of this?

Staying sane is just a mere thought!! What if it goes from sane to insane???

Its how you learn from your mistakes!!

2009-12-19T22:19:00.002+08:00

my mistakes make me a stronger person. and give me more reasons to fight for something i truly want in my life. and now i really will fight all the way!!

How do i live without you??

2009-12-06T20:48:00.002+08:00

The love we have inside of us, is so strong that its so difficult to break. People do stray away from the path, but it takes loads of strength and courage to come back and make it a better way. I know we can be that and even better actually. People can read this in many different ways that they want to, but its all comes down to us and how we make the best of everything.

I have that faith that we can get pass this, and we will fall even more in love with each other. We just have to take time to let things heal and for the true feelings to surface once again. I know its very difficult but we can do it together! I know I am yours forever! I will be here waiting and loving you still.

I only wanna be with you and I really hope that you know that. No one can ever replace your spot in my heart and life. That place will always be for you to return to. It will always be waiting for your return. I cant live without you dada. I will work harder for this and I promise that we will get through this together.

Baby, I love you. Please say you love me too..

heavy heart

2009-12-02T22:42:00.002+08:00

i am happy, but my heart is quite heavy. its just that some things are bothering me and i hate having this feeling. arghhh...i wish the feeling can just go away and not come back..i really do not know what the hell it is.

maybe its a feeling that i know i am not coming home to the person i have been coming home to for the last 2 years. and i will be missing that so much. maybe its the lonely feeling that burns inside of me. trying to adapt to a new situation and all.

but its alright, more reasons for us to get out asses out of the house and meet each other to spend time. rather that sitting and home and 'spending' time with each other. so much for all of that. i guess i just need to try to adapt to all of this quickly so that i can get pass all of this.

Things just gets worse

2009-11-29T23:28:00.000+08:00

Sometimes how much you try and do, things just remain the way they are. You cannot fix back a broken mug. The cracks will still remain even after glueing it back together!

It sucks but sometimes it's just like that. It does not matter how hard u try, it just keeps coming back. I really don't know what to do anymore. Like I said I know I was the one who hurt you, BUT how far must I go?? How hard must I try?? If you can't even change how you are thinking..

Sigh!! It's really difficult to go through all of this. You cannot see across what you have right infront of you and you just wait also. I cannot be doing things every single time.

Better to let go.

2009-11-20T20:36:00.002+08:00

Its so much better to let the heartache and bad feelings go, rather than keeping them in and making yourself feel worse than you already are. I learnt that a hard way though. BUT I am glad I did learn that now than never!!

I am pushing away all the bad feelings and thoughts and looking forward. I am very happy that I can let go now.

Thnak you for helping me move on. Thank you for helping me let go!! =)

Why?

2009-11-16T21:41:00.000+08:00

I sit here in my bed, thinking of all our happy times together. I miss all of those times where we were just carefree and being who we really are. I miss all our open talks where we do not need to think if we are saying something wrong or if people would think differently.

Now, things have changed quite a bit and I really don't know if it's ever going to be back the same. I just know that we need to work hard to make this work and so everything to keep this alive. Am I the only one who is feeling like such?? I really dont know but I don't think anyone knows what is going through this head of mine.

I really hope I straighten up thoughts out before it's too late. I really hope I get things in place so that future will look good and happy. Cause tts what I want, to be happy and in love. Which I am now!!

Thank you so much for always being there for me. I love you always and that will never change. Muacks =)

You will always be in my thoughts. I need to sacrifice certain things in life!!

~beautifulangel~

Falling even deeper underground

2009-11-08T13:15:00.000+08:00

I feel like I'm falling deeper n deeper in the ground. I really don't know how to express my feelings anymore. I feel like i'm stuck and you just want to change that immediately. You wanna keep changing me and you keep judging me.

I really don't know what works for you. Anything I do is either wrong or just not good enough for you. What else am I supposed to do?? I try BUT you just keep pushing me down even more! Now I'm too tired to even pick myself up.

You talk about future and all, I have feelings too. You talk I listen but when it comes to the other way round, things r just different!! I do not know what is happening anymore.

Please have confidence in me!

2009-11-07T22:05:00.002+08:00

I wish you have more confidence in me. Please stop breathing down my neck and telling me how its to be done! Do not measure things and say things which will hurt! Cause it really does hurt! I really wish things can be better!!

How easy??

2009-11-07T01:38:00.002+08:00

Is it easy to fall out of love? Is it possible that just by one mistake everything falls apart? Why is it so hard for the heart to forgive? How can the heart just fall out of love? How can the heart stop having the will power to fight for what is right?

When you are on that road or you know a friend who is going through such a situation, all these questions clog ya mind. Why this and how come that and what if...Why cant it be simple? Why cant things just fall in place right?

There is loads of things on my mind. One after another it just happens. I have a friend who is in this situation as well and I am trying my best to help their relationship. I wish things could be easier. I wish people can back in time and do/say things right and not have to go through the same shitty road again.

How do you choose? Or should you even choose? Is it all happening cause of commitment issues? Afraid of something? Sometimes people cannot say everything that they feel inside, not even to their best friends. It hurts, but I guess they are afraid of how people will see them.

I am really thinking of ways to help my friend, so that they can have a better relationship. Cause a friend once told me, there is no end if its not a happy ending. =)

I am all over the place..

2009-11-02T20:43:00.000+08:00

My emotions are all over the place. I don't know what to express anymore. I think too much is coming out now and everyone sees right through.

Sometimes when things are done or said it's so difficult to just forget about it and move on. You may forgive but it will always stay within as it's part of your life already. It's really so difficult not to think of what you are thinking as you sit beside me.

How are we supposed to get pass this? How are we supposed to get back to normal? I really am trying so hard. I wish we can see pass all of this.

=)

2009-11-02T19:06:00.000+08:00

thank you

i <3 you till the end.

2009-10-30T19:39:00.002+08:00

sometimes you loose something so precious and know that it will never be the same again.

i wish things could be different.

how much I try, it still just hurts so bad!!

2009-10-30T00:57:00.002+08:00

i tried quite a few things, but the pain just subsides a while, and then it hits you like a bitch once again! OUCH!! things will sure never be the same ever again! it will just haunt me day n night. i just screwed up big time! and I know i will never be able to take that back!

i dont know what to do. am i supposed to be forgiven, or am i supposed to suffer in silence like this? i guess suffering in silence is so much better. i know people will judge and all by now, but I really dun give two cents for their comments or point of view. i know what i did and i dun need anyone telling me anything.

my head is throbbing so badly, from all the thinking and shouting from within. and i am running out of medication. i need to get more soon! this pain is going to stay for quite some time i suppose. on the other hand, i am so used to this pain already.

i just cannot sit here and wait for things to happen. i need to get out there and do some stuff. i need to make things work and get myself occupied. i wanna do things that i could not do, spend more time with my family. (i really miss them so much) visit places and all...sigh!! i dun know. i really dun know!!

i fucked up!!

2009-10-29T13:09:00.002+08:00

everything seemed so clear and awesome, then one day the wind just changed directions and turned everything around. now everything is so hazy and cloudy. nothing seems to make any sense anymore. everything is so complicated and difficult. i know i will never make sense of anything cause its all my fault. now i just have to go through the consequences.o

i feel so numb. i dont feel anything at all. am i supposed to feel like that? am i supposed to be crying and pouring my hearts out? i dun feel like i wanna do that. i just feel numb. i just want to run away from all the things in life now. i just want to go somewhere to be alone!

i just dun know what to do already. i dun know if what im feeling is right or wrong. gd or bad. i just dun wanna feel anything!!!

Dont treat me like I am nothing!!

2009-10-27T20:02:00.002+08:00

You want me to be the person you wanna see me as. I wish I can be that person for you, I wish I can be everything you want me to be! Contradicting it may be, I do NOT want to be that person at all!! I wanna be myself, I wanna be who I am. I wanna be the person who makes mistakes, takes chances and be teh bubbly and cheerful self of mine!

The moment you start picking on how I should be, all of me just falls apart. You will not see the person who I am anymore! You will see a totally different person altogether! I will not be the person who is cheerful and bubbly, jumping up and down and enjoying myself. I will be the quiet and reserved girl, who sits by the corner and watches as everyone enjoys themselves!!

Its already happening now. Please save me before its too late!!

What am I to do?

2009-10-19T23:22:00.002+08:00

no words to describe how I am feeling now!

I hate this part right here.

2009-10-12T22:39:00.002+08:00

I hate going through this, and I dont understand why you need to put us through this. Its really so sucky! I have to already deal with so much and I know you have to as well. If you are feeling tension and all, dont throw it out on me!! I am not your punching bag!!

Sometimes I just really dont know what to do! I just act the way you want me to!

What are we going to do?

2009-10-12T19:25:00.002+08:00

You stand there amidst the crowd, thinking that you are the center of attraction. Everyone seems to be looking at you intensely. All of them fixing their eyes on you, thinking what's your next move going to be. You have to be on your constant guard 24/7.

It gets so complicated when you do something wrong. You have to be in the good books of everyone. Doing everything that everyone wants you to be or behave as. Its really hard doing everything everyone else wants you to do.

You cannot follow you heart and you have to always keep it inside of you. You have to do as it pleases people around you. You are left standed in your own world, living your own life, trying to be in everyone's good books!!

Thank you fatty for another wonderful birthday.

2009-10-06T21:52:00.001+08:00

Baby you never fail yo surprise me with all the things that u do. you are the most special person in my life n the best as well.

I love you with all my heart =)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

What have I done??

2009-10-04T03:26:00.002+08:00

Have I not done enough or was it way too little? I hear what others say, and I feel I've not done anything at all. I feel that I've somehow pushed you to the way you are right now. I am very sorry. I know by saying this, nothing is going to be better. But I really am very sorry.

I wish I can do more for you. But I really think its a two way thing as well. I am not ignorant and I know what's happening. I am somehow affected by it as well, but I try to deal with it. I feel I run away from my problems cause I do not know how to face and handle it. I cannot be in a very stressed situation.

Please please get some help. And follow your call. God has plans for each one of us, and I wish you would follow yours, instead of fighting it.

I am feeling really very scared..

2009-10-02T11:04:00.002+08:00

Looking at all the natural disasters that's happening around now, I am getting so frightened. I feel that one day S'pore would also be hit by any one of this natural disasters. I just get so paranoid cause of all of these things happening.

When will all of this be over? Or will it be over for the world? It is really so sad to see what is happening to the world. Is it human's fault or is it that God is clearing stock??

Why must it be like that???

2009-09-29T19:01:00.002+08:00

I miss home so much, but when I come home, I end up being in the middle of a lot of things!! Why cant things be more simplier?? I really hate being in the middle of anything, or the reason for things to happen!!

Anyway, yesterday I consulted the chinese physician for my sprained neck. Wah the massage was super good la..She cracked my neck and back all. I am still in pain but at least I can turn my head and all better now.

One night away from you, and I am missing you terribly already. Oh my, what have you done to me?? But I love this feeling, and I love you!!

Neck hurting so badly...

2009-09-27T09:21:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was my niece's pink b'day party and it was awesome! Although I was suffering from a sprained neck and back, but I still managed to enjoy myself. She is really so cute and an angel sent from Heaven. She can be really naughty as well. She was so beautiful in her pretty pink dress.

I felt so deprived of my childhood, cause there was the bouncing castle at the chalet for the kids and non of the kids wanted to play on it at first. So the adults who had deprived childhood as well, started to play with it. It was super FUN then I hurt my neck more.

It is really nice to have kids party. I cant wait to have one on my own, but I still can wait. Patiently waiting for that day to come. =)

Sometimes, I feel like I am doing so much for people and not get anything in return. I am not asking for a lot of stuff, and I do not mean material things. I mean love, care and concern. I know you show it, but sometimes it would be nice to pamper me once in a while. I am always giving in and doing quite a lot of things. I just wish I can get back some of it as well.

Anyway, today is another celebration and family gathering and I am so looking forward to it. Will update soon. =)

Glad to be back at work!!

2009-09-24T21:38:00.002+08:00

I was so glad to be back at work today!! It felt so good, I was missing the kids so much and also my colleagues. =) They are a great part of my life actually. The past 2 days I was at home on MC, as I was super sick with high fever and vomiting. I am feeling much better though.

I was really so glad that I was back at work and having my kids around me, rather than to sit at home and waste my time away with boredom!! These kids just really kisses all those pain away, and somehow makes me feel so much better.

Tomorrow I have quite a bit of work to finish the new look to my class. I am very happy with the changes i have done to my class. I am very proud of myself =)

I am heading to bed now. Good night all =)

What do people want from you??

2009-09-23T09:04:00.002+08:00

I feel people expect so much from you and at times you have nothing to give. They think so highly of you and when you cant provide, they start to say stuff and make you doubt yourself. Why cant things just be so simple and easy, where you dont have to think so much and wonder what others might think of you?

BUT then again, this world is cruel and it does not function like that. As time goes by, the world is becoming more intense and it feels so different from when we were a child. Its like someone came in and changed the whole system, or is it cause we are adults now the world seem so alien to us compared to our childhood?

Where did the carefreeness went to? Where did the freedom of speech and actions gone to? Its sad, but then again its life! We just have to suck thumb and live on. Go through with all the pain and hopefully learn something out of it.

I've stopped depending on people so much cause I know when I do, I get hurt and upset in the end. So I depend on my ownself, in this way I will only get upset and blame myself if anything goes wrong. And I know I will work harder to do well. So that's what I've learnt in life; not to depend on anyone but myself!

A well Deserved Trip

2009-09-22T13:33:00.003+08:00

on the ATV

john's version of honeymoon.

the bath tub is super nice =)

the cozy area

our pretty king sized bed.

heading back home

my shooting score sheet

my turn to shoot

suiting up for paintball

It was a well-deserved weekend away from the normal routine & mundane life of ours. It was filled with fun, activities, alcohol (i didnt drink though) and madness must I add.

Baby & myself rushed back from work on Thursday and made it to the Airport. We took Tiger Airways at 7.55pm and flew to Phuket. This is my second flight experience in my life. The turbulance was quite bad but we still survived. When we reached Phuket, there was a guy waiting for us, to fetch us to the hotel. It was a 1 hour ride to the hotel, and both of us slept in the car.

Upon arrival at the hotel, we checked in and the room was awwww-some!! We stayed over Kata Palm Resort. We put our bags down, and headed over to my cousin's room. We then headed for dinner (Supper actually) at a nearby restaurant. After that, we headed back to the hotel and then the alcohol began. It was great fun, we played drinking games and the madness just flowed out.

On friday, we had breakfast at the hotel and then headed over to have more FUN!!! First we played paintball. It was my first time playing the paintball, and it was super fun. I didnt even get shot once. Then we rode the ATV and it was freaking fun! It was my first time as well, and it was fun. I don't think I would ever have the opportunity to ride that. We went through mud puddles and water and slopes. After that, I shot a 9mm pistol and it was scary but AWWW-SOME!!! I just wanted to feel how baby feels everytime that he shoots at work. Then some of them played go-kart while I stood aside taking pictures!!

We had late lunch at a place near the sea and then headed back to the hotel. I went for a facial and the guys went for a swim. After that, we headed to Patong to have dinner and visited the Night life over there. I realised that Patong was hit by Tsunami and was very affected by it. I could just imagine how it felt. And I was thinking how it has changed so much after it was hit. Anw after dinner, we went over to Rock City, the band that we saw was horrible!! Then we left and went to see other places. In the end, we just headed back to the hotel and slept.

On Saturday, we had breakfast then went over to the beach. Baby & Dwayne had a jet ski ride. I could see that baby enjoyed so much and I was so happy for him. Then we came back and I went for my massage while baby enjoyed a swim in the pool. We then got ready and went to Patong again for shopping. We bought a few things, we didnt find whatever that we wanted to get. Oh oh.. I had this grilled corn and it was so good!! I always wanted to try one of it. When we came back to the hotel, the guys went over to Dwayne's room to drink. I stayed in my room and watched tv.

We had to wake up early in the morning to catch our ride to the hotel. Then the police came to the hotel and wanted us to pay for the damage to the bike. It was super funny la!! Anyway we managed to get to the airport in time. We were all so tired and tried to sleep in the aeroplane.

I was glad to be home, but also sad to leave. Overall it was an awww-some getaway. And I loved every single minute of it. It was my first trip away with baby and I am glad we did it. I am planning something else for just the two of us.

2009-09-12T15:34:00.001+08:00

"Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it." -Bill Cosby

What you sow, is what you will reap!

2009-09-02T21:41:00.002+08:00

You do not become a son, daughter, mother, father, son-in-law, daughter-in-law, friend or whatever overnight!! If you wanna be that status, you be that through out and not just suddenly!

Some people think that they can just be a caring and loving person overnight! How does this work? You cant just buy love or status just with money or SUDDEN affection!

I just cant understand this at all! Talk is real cheap you know! Maybe you should walk the talk eh?? Try to look yourself in the mirror and then talk.

Bipolar Disorder

2009-09-02T12:37:00.000+08:00

What is bipolar disorder?

Bipolar disorder (also known as manic depression) causes serious shifts in a person’s mood, energy, thinking, and behavior – from the highs of mania on one extreme, to the lows of depression on the other. More than just a fleeting good or bad mood, the cycles of bipolar disorder last for days, weeks, or months. And unlike ordinary mood swings, the mood changes of bipolar disorder are so intense that they interfere with your ability to function.

During a manic episode, a person might impulsively quit a job, charge up huge amounts on credit cards, or feel rested after sleeping two hours. During a depressive episode, the same person might be too tired to get out of bed and full of self-loathing and hopelessness over being unemployed and in debt.

Myths and Facts About Bipolar Disorder

Myth: People with bipolar disorder can’t get better or lead a normal life.

Fact: Many people with bipolar disorder have successful careers, happy family lives, and satisfying relationships. Living with bipolar disorder is challenging. But with treatment, healthy coping skills, and a solid support system, you can live fully while managing your symptoms.

Myth: People with bipolar disorder swing back and forth between mania and depression.

Fact: Some people alternate between extreme episodes of mania and depression, but most are depressed more often than they are manic. Mania may also be so mild that it goes unrecognized. People with bipolar disorder can also go for long stretches without symptoms.

MYTH: Bipolar disorder only affects mood.

Fact: Bipolar disorder also affects your energy level, judgment, memory, concentration, appetite, sleep patterns, sex drive, and self-esteem. Additionally, bipolar disorder has been linked to anxiety, substance abuse, and health problems such as diabetes, heart disease, migraines, and high blood pressure.

MYTH: Aside from taking medication, there is nothing you can do to control bipolar disorder.

Fact: While medication is the foundation of bipolar disorder treatment, therapy and self-help strategies also play important roles. You can help control your symptoms by exercising regularly, getting enough sleep, eating right, monitoring your moods, keeping stress to a minimum, and surrounding yourself with supportive people.

Signs and symptoms of bipolar disorder

The symptoms of bipolar disorder vary widely from person to person, with unpredictable differences in their pattern, severity, and frequency. Some people are more prone to either mania or depression, while others alternate equally between the two types of episodes. Some have frequent mood disruptions, while others experience only a few over a lifetime.

The four types of mood episodes (Mania, Hypomania, Depression, Mixed episode) each has a unique set of symptoms.
Signs and symptoms of mania

In the manic phase of bipolar disorder, feelings of heightened energy, creativity, and euphoria are common. People experiencing a manic episode often talk a mile a minute, sleep very little, and are hyperactive. They may also feel like they’re all-powerful, invincible, or destined for greatness.

But while mania feels good at first, it has a tendency to spiral out of control. People often behave recklessly during a manic episode: gambling away savings, engaging in inappropriate sexual activity, or making foolish business investments, for example. They may also become angry, irritable, and aggressive – picking fights, lashing out when others don’t go along with their plans, and blaming anyone who criticizes their behavior. Some people even become delusional or start hearing voices.

Common signs and symptoms of mania include:

* Feeling unusually “high” and optimistic OR extremely irritable
* Unrealistic, grandiose beliefs about one’s abilities or powers
* Sleeping very little, but feeling extremely energetic
* Talking so rapidly that others can’t keep up
* Racing thoughts; jumping quickly from one idea to the next
* Highly distractible, unable to concentrate
* Impaired judgment and impulsiveness
* Acting recklessly without thinking about the consequences
* Delusions and hallucinations (in severe cases)

Hypomania symptoms

Hypomania is a less severe form of mania. People in a hypomanic state feel euphoric, energetic, and productive, but they are able to carry on with their day-to-day lives and they never lose touch with reality. To others, it may seem as if people with hypomania are merely in an unusually good mood. However, hypomania can result in bad decisions that harm relationships, careers, and reputations. In addition, hypomania often escalates to full-blown mania or is followed by a major depressive episode.

Signs and symptoms of bipolar depression

In the past, bipolar depression was lumped in with regular depression. But a growing body of research suggests that there are significant differences between the two, especially when it comes to recommended treatments. Most people with bipolar depression are not helped by antidepressants. In fact, there is a risk that antidepressants can make bipolar disorder worse – triggering mania or hypomania, causing rapid cycling between mood states, or interfering with other mood stabilizing drugs.

Despite many similarities, certain symptoms are more common in bipolar depression than in regular depression. For example, bipolar depression is more likely to involve irritability, guilt, unpredictable mood swings, and feelings of restlessness. People with bipolar depression also tend to move and speak slowly, sleep a lot, and gain weight. In addition, they are more likely to develop psychotic depression – a condition in which they’ve lost contact with reality – and to experience major disability in work and social functioning.

Common symptoms of bipolar depression include:

* Feeling hopeless, sad, or empty.
* Irritability
* Inability to experience pleasure
* Fatigue or loss of energy
* Physical and mental sluggishness
* Appetite or weight changes
* Sleep problems
* Concentration and memory problems
* Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
* Thoughts of death or suicide

Signs and symptoms of a mixed episode

A mixed episode of bipolar disorder features symptoms of both mania or hypomania and depression. Common signs of a mixed episode include depression combined with agitation, irritability, anxiety, insomnia, distractibility, and racing thoughts. This combination of high energy and low mood makes for a particularly high risk of suicide.
The different faces of bipolar disorder

* Bipolar I Disorder (mania or a mixed episode) – The classic manic-depressive form of the illness, characterized by at least one manic episode or mixed episode. Usually—but not always—Bipolar I Disorder also involves at least one episode of depression.

* Bipolar II Disorder (hypomania and depression) – In Bipolar II disorder, the person doesn’t experience full-blown manic episodes. Instead, the illness involves episodes of hypomania and severe depression.

* Cyclothymia (hypomania and mild depression) – Cyclothymia is a milder form of bipolar disorder. It consists of cyclical mood swings. However, the symptoms are less severe than full-blown mania or
depression.

Treatment for bipolar disorder

If you spot the symptoms of bipolar depression in yourself or someone else, don’t wait to get help. Ignoring the problem won’t make it go away; in fact, it will almost certainly get worse. Living with untreated bipolar disorder can lead to problems in everything from your career to your relationships to your health. Diagnosing the problem as early as possible and getting into treatment can help prevent these complications.

If you’re reluctant to seek treatment because you like the way you feel when you’re manic, remember that the energy and euphoria come with a price. Mania and hypomania often turn destructive, hurting you and the people around you.

I really dont know what to do anymore!!!

2009-08-16T16:44:00.001+08:00

with your words,

you killed me!

torn into pieces

2009-08-15T18:43:00.000+08:00

your words, they hurt so much!! it cuts so deep and leaves a permanant wound!!

I was just excited and all happy about it. But i guess you do not see it in that way. if you are able to use this once, what makes me so sure that you will never use it again? i have never lied or what so ever on you, and you say such things? all i wanted was to tell you the truth. I never wanna lie or hide things from you. but the words that you use really can kill a person!!

i am thinking of loads of things now. i dont know if this will work. i am just really very upset and i just cant think straight! i guess u see things in a whole diff way. i really have nothing to say already. its your decision!!

Feeling so exhausted these days..

2009-08-05T20:33:00.002+08:00

I am feeling exhausted these days. I guess its all the work and the hectic life I am living now. I just have so much work and responsibility. Sometimes I just feel so tired but I know that I still have to go on.

I am just feeling very restless and tired and wish all of this can go away!! I am in need of a serious break NOW!!!

Stressed!!

2009-08-04T11:05:00.002+08:00

Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths, or the turning inwards in prayer for five short minutes.

~~Etty Hillesum~~

I've been really stressed out lately. Have been over loaded with work and personal stuff. Heahache has come back again and at times i really do not know what to do. Sometimes I just need a break alone, but during that time, I am still thinking about all the work that I have to do.

I just need a really good break, in order for me to continue with what I have to do. Maybe I demand so much from my own self as well. Its really tiring and my body really needs energy boost.

I just want everything to go smoothly. At times I really do not know what is expected from me. I feel like I have to give so much but nothing is coming back to me. I know you should not expect things in return, but I cant help it when it comes to certain people. Why cant it be a mutual understanding? Why cant people give and take?

I give so much and try so hard, but nothing is ever noticed!! Nothing is appreciated, actually it is for a little only. But no words of thank you, or its nice!!

Sigh!! Ok I think I've let out enough!! When I feel more of it I will rant again!!

To propose or not to??

2009-07-24T16:17:00.000+08:00

To propose or not to propose?

You have known your girlfriend for a while now. Somewhere in your heart you know you want to share the rest of your life with her. You know many of your guy friends took the easy way out by saying to their girlfriend,"I think we should go apply for a HDB flat."

No, that is not the way you want to propose. Your gal deserves better. You know you are asking your girlfriend to change her lifestyle and spend the rest of her life together with you. You want the proposal to be special, but how?

Some suggestions

Well, for starters, you can be inspired by the Singtel advertisement or you can buy a page in the newspaper and proclaim your love for her to the whole of Singapore!
Or, you can propose to her in your own quiet way. Remember, location, ambience and timing are important when you propose.

Choose a place that holds special meaning to both of you. It can be a place where you first met, held her hand or kissed. Alternatively, you can propose to her at holiday resorts, like Banyan Tree or Phuket. These locations are beautiful for proposal.

There are a few days in a calendar year which are great for proposing i.e. Valentine's Day, Christmas Eve or her birthday. If you propose on one of these days, you don't even have to hide the proposal ring. You are expected to bring her a gift anyway and what a gift it is going to be!

Prepare the setting. It can be the great outdoor and under the moonlight. It can be in the privacy of your home with love songs crooning in the background. Propose to her when she is in a relax and blissful mood!

Oh yeah, one last thing, be prepared for rejection too! She may reject you not because she doesn't love you but because she doesn't feel prepared yet. Don't take it too personally and wait for her patiently.

I hate myself for loving you.

2009-07-22T22:59:00.000+08:00

I am not forcing anyone to do anything. If you are not ready or dont want to do it, just say it! Dont keep it inside of you and then throw a fit. Dont make me feel as though i ask too much, cause I really dont ask much!! And I dont expect much either!!

If you say such things about me, means that you know very little of me as well!! I would prefer if you talk to me about things rather than assuming and acussing me of things which I do not mean at all.

I do not want things to happen just cause of a misunderstanding. Things should not be in such a way. Thinsg should be better than this. I do not want the new plans to spoil the way we are. I want and hope that it will be better!!

I'm Your Angel

2009-07-22T08:09:00.001+08:00

No mountains too high for you to climb

All you have to do, is have some climbing faith

No river is too wide for you to make it across

All you have to do, is believe it when you pray

And then you will see the morning will come,

and everyday will be bright as the sun

All of your fears, cast them on me

I just want you to see

I'll be your cloud up in the sky

I'll be your shoulder when you cry

I hear your voices when you call me

I am your Angel,And when all hope is gone I'm here

No matter how far you are, I'm near

It makes no difference who you are

I am your Angel, I'm your Angel

I saw your tear drops and I heard you cry

All you need is time, seek me and you shall find

You have everything and your still lonely

It don't have to be this way

Let me show you a better day

Then you will see, the morning will come

And all of your days will be bright as the sun

So all of your fears just cast them on me

How can I make you see?

And when it's time to face the storm

I'll be right by your side

Grace will keep us safe and warm

and I know we will survive

And when it seems as if your end is drawing near

Don't you dare give up the fight

Just put your trust beyond the sky

thank u deepa

2009-07-21T16:27:00.001+08:00

Thank you so much Deepa Darling for the wonderful blog template!!

I am LOVING it so much

Wonderful Weekend.

2009-07-19T21:39:00.002+08:00

I had a wonderful weekend with baby and sister. We went to church and dinner. Then we decided to head to town since its been ages since we went there. We bought some stuff, or rather I bought some stuff and I am contented!!

I was just very happy to spend time with the people I love and I had fun actually. I feel that this has not been happening for quite some time and I really did enjoy myself.

Then on Sunday, we went for baby's soccer game, which was just total madness. After that we ate and visited Jason's dad in the hospital. We came home and ate Pizza.

It may be just simple but to me it was more than that. Anyway hope all of you had a wonderful weekend too. =)

Love you till the end <3

2009-07-12T21:52:00.002+08:00

I am feeling loads of mixed emotions now. I do not know how do people carry on with their lives after losing someone they love so much or worse still their other half!! I am watching P.S I love you and I am crying. I am putting myself in her shoes and it feels so sad and lonely.

I really cannot imagine myself in that situation living without my dada. Its so sad. I cannot live one day without him and how am I supposed to live without him for the rest of my live. I am just so grateful that I have so many wonderful memories with him.

I will miss his smell, miss the way he kisses me before he leaves from work, miss the food that he cooks for me with love, miss all the things that he does for me no matter what happen. Its all the good memories that we have to take with us, yes I know!!!

Its just that you are my life and I cannot think of you not in it anymore. Its not complete without you. You may be grumpy, annoying, scolding me and what so ever, but you are who you are and I love you for all those reason too.

Sometimes I wonder, what if you fight so much or you are not happy for many reason and 1 day your other half wont be able to be there anymore?? And you may never have another chance of telling that person how much you love him/her or what ever so. Then what will that be like?

Just be grateful and happy for all the things that you have now. Be contented with everything in life on a day to day basis. Do not regret anything in life. Cause its no point at all. Live one day at a time and be happy no matter what.

Baby I would like to say that I love you so much. Thank you for all the things that you have done for me. I will always remember everything that we share in all the time we knew each other. And it will always be with me no matter what happens. I will always love you till the end.

P.S I Love You <3

Smile By Charlie Chaplin

2009-07-11T22:14:00.002+08:00

Smile tho' your heart is aching,

Smile even tho' it's breaking,

When there are clouds in the sky

You'll get by,

If you smile

thro' your fear and sorrow,

Smile and maybe tomorrow,

You'll see the sun come shin-ing thro' for you

Light up your face with gladness,

Hide ev-'ry trace of sadness,

Al -'tho a tear may be ever so near,

That's the time,

You must keep on trying,

Smile, what's the use of crying,

You'll find that life is still worth-while,

If you just smile,

Written By Michael Jackson

2009-07-11T21:46:00.003+08:00

Spoken by child:
'Think about the generations, and say we wanna make it a better
Place for our children and our children's children, so that they...
They, they... They know it's a better world for them.
And think if they can make it a better place...

'There's a place in your heart
And I know that it is loveAnd this place could be much
Brighter than tomorrow
And if you really try
You'll find there's no need to cryIn this place you'll feel
There's no hurt or sorrow

There are ways to get there
If you care enough for the living
Make a little space
Make a better place

Heal the world
Make it a better place
For you and for me
And the entire human race
There are people dying
If you care enough for the living
Make a better place For you and for me

If you want to know why
There's a love that cannot lie
Love is strong
It only cares of joyful giving
If we try we shall see
In this bliss we cannot feel, fear or dread
We stop existing and start living

Then it feels that always
Love's enough for us growing
Make a better world
Make a better world

Heal the world
Make it a better place
For you and for me
And the entire human race
There are people dying
If you care enough for the living
Make a better place For you and for me

And the dream we were conceived in
Will reveal a joyful face
And the world we once believed in
Will shine again in grace
Then why do we keep strangling life
Wound this earth, crucify its soul
Though it's plain to see
This world is heavenly
Be God's glow

We could fly so high
Let our spirits never die
In my heart
I feel you are all my brothers
Create a world with no fear
Together we'll cry happy tears
See the nations Turn their swords into plowshares

We could really get there
If you cared enough for the living
Make a little space
To make a better place

Heal the world
Make it a better place
For you and for me
And the entire human race
There are people dying
If you care enough for the living
Make a better place For you and for me

Heal the world
Make it a better place(Oh, my friends)
For you and for me
And the entire human race
There are people dying
If you care enough for the living
Make a better place For you and for me

You and for me
You and for me

Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children

Have you ever felt that you were going to lose someone so important?

2009-07-10T21:26:00.003+08:00

Have you ever thought for some reason or another, you will somehow lose the person you love the most or your family members? I have somehow always thought about it. I have also dreamt about all of it as well. I guess I am very afraid of losing the people I love the most, thus all these nightmares and all.

It is quite scary for me to be going through all of these thoughts. I will tend to feel upset and will be scared if something is going to happen to that person. I will also start to think of all the good times we have had, the love and memories that we share together.

I am most afraid of losing my mum and my boyfriend. They mean the most to me in my life. I cannot imagine a life without them. For my mum I do not have to explain why I feel like such. As for my boyfriend, I have been staying with him for quite some time and it feels more than just a BGR. Its a feeling I cannot describe.

I was just going through the book I made for him, and it made me think so much about how I have grown so much because of him. And I was looking at all the pictures where we were so happy and enjoying ourselves so much. I have never felt this happy in my life. I have never felt this kind of feeling in my life ever.

I am a person who is just so afraid of losing the persons dear to me. And I have no idea how I am going to cope thereafter. I just have to somehow seek the strength to get by all of the things that will come ahead.

Anyway, this is just a random post. I was watching something and it made me think about all of it. And watch P.S I love you on star movies on Sunday 12.07.09 at 9pm if you have. Its a wonderful movie!!

Relationships!

2009-07-08T08:56:00.003+08:00

Relationships are not always easy to handle. Both parties have different personalities and also different ways of handling things. You do not have to change yourself for the other person, you just have to accommodate how they work, cause you would want the same too.

Its not always very flowery and blissful. There will be obstacles and barriers that you will have to face in time to come. And if you know how to overcome all of this, the relationship will be stronger and it will be more happier for the both parties.

Relationships cant be based on lies or cheating. That is the wrong way of starting a relationship or even to sustain one. There should also be a mutual understanding between the two parties. I know this is not easy at times or even certain situations. But if one is truthful and shares stuff with the other, theer will not be any misunderstandings.

Another important thing is also not to be bothered by another external party. If that person is just a friend or even if you know that the person has some kind of feeling for your partner, you just have to be aware but not to take action. You need to trust and belive your partner no matter what happens. I know another problem is when that partner is really cheating. BUT like I said it all comes down to being honest and sincere to the other person.

I used to be a very protective and suspective girlfriend, but in this relationship that I have, I am not like that at all. I do not suspect or what so ever. I know that we have a mutual understanding and that we share a lot of things together. I love him for everything that he has done for me and I am very grateful. I am very happy with my relationship cause there are no secrets!! To me thats the most important thing. When you suspect and all, you just strain your relationship and make things even worse. So just be happy and enjoy things that comes your way.

My Darlings =)

2009-07-07T13:46:00.002+08:00

My Nephew The Devil!!!

My Niece The Screamer!!!

Angel & Devil!!

2009-07-06T21:27:00.003+08:00

You're 2 years old already!!!

It was a very good party!! Red, Blue & White, in accordance to America's Independence Day. Since my darling of a nephew was born on that day, my cousin and bro-in-law decided to use that as a theme. It was really nice to see loads of people coming in the colour theme, some even tried to wear all three colour which was very sporting.

I had a blast, although I was freaking tired and all from the cooking and standing. I just missed dada cause he was at work, but I guess there was not really much time for missing as I was super busy taking pictures and entertaining people.

There was a clown who entertained the kids with jokes and games, but it was kinda scary actually!! Maybe its her voice and her costume. There was just something scary about her. There was also popcorn machine and candy floss. Yummy!! The kids really did have a wonderful time.

My nephew sure was happy, getting all the presents and also a chance to bully all the kids who was at the party and bigger than him. What a devil he is. But I still love him. He just knows how to hit you in the soft spot where you will give in. He is one charmer for sure. When he grows up, he will sure have loads of girlfriends, but he will be very protective of his sister!! That's for sure!!

Anyway my darling, I know you are not able to read this yet, but I just want to say that you are a very special person in my life and will always be ok. I love you so much little devil. Muacks!! Try to be good pleassssssssssseeee!!!

God Bless You Always =)

You're Simply The Best.

2009-07-01T00:04:00.002+08:00

You know in life, you will meet many people and there will come and go. BUT there will be that one person who will stick with you through many heartaches, ups and downs and every thing else in life. No matter what you can count on that person to cheer you up. And that person might even be the one who hurts you also. But the whole idea is that, without this person your whole world is a different place to be in. It makes no sense and meaning to your life at all. Or maybe just a little.

I have always thought I would find a person who would really take care of me in ways I never expected, showering me with gifts and surprises, pampering me and over pouring with love. But I never realised I would end up with someone so grumpy, óld and handsome who gets annoyed for the SMALLEST reasons ever!! BUT that's what makes this person really special in my life.

Its not that he never showers me with gifts, love or pamper me. He just does it in all his own special ways. He may be grumpy and annoyed for many reasons, but that's his character. And its ok, cause I know that he will not be who he is without all of that.

I cannot ask for more, cause I have gotten so much more instead!! He is a person I can not imagine without in my everyday life. A person who I miss so much. A person who I think of in everything that I do. A person's feelings I consider before I decide what I want to do or say. A person who really mean the world to me. A person who has taught me many things, that I doubt I will ever learn. A person who inspires me in many ways which I will never be able to express in words.

You are the total opposite of me. You are so quiet and soft while I am noisy, loud and annoying. You are tall while I am short. You prefer to stay at home while I prefer to just get out of the house more often. You do so many things which I have never done in my life, but now am doing. These are the things that makes us special. These are the reasons why I love you and there are many more still.

I know I will never find a perfect guy who will do everything!! BUT to me, you ARE the perfect one. And I will never trade that for anything.

I Love You Dada!!

Wonderful Day =)

2009-06-27T19:07:00.000+08:00

Pain or Happiness??

2009-06-21T18:04:00.003+08:00

''Sometimes pain become such a huge part of your life that you expect it to be there because you can't remember a time in your life when it wasn't. But then one day you feel something else, something that feels wrong only because its so unfamiliar.And in that moment you realize your happy.''

I really feel that sometimes, misery is my best friend. But somehow or another the people I love changes that very fast and I realised how blessed I am to have such people in my life. And I know how happy I actually am in life. I also realised that misery, pain and sadness are all part of our lives and it just needs proper management to overcome all of those things and to be happy once again.

Without misery, pain and sadness, you will not realise how strong you actually are. You will just be a plan person who never really knew yourself. That's who I have become now. I have been through so much in this life that I have become so much stronger in many ways that I have never imagined.

Somehow over these past few years, I have grown so much and I am really impressed myself. I owe it all to my fat ass. He never fails to teach me many things in my personal and work life. It has really taught me how to react to people and how to be a better person. I am glad he is always there for me. And I am so in love with him.

Always & Forever =)

I really dun understand the whole ''Life'' thing!!

2009-06-19T21:06:00.002+08:00

I was not feeling so good today. Kept feeling a very heavy feeling in my heart and I could not breathe for a few seconds. I didnt really pay any attention to that feeling, but after hearing the news of the death of one of our kid's father, I realised why I had that feeling. I am very close to that girl and I can feel things like that happening. Then a while later I find out that another one of kid just passed away.

It is so hard to accept all of this. Its too much to deal with it all at one time. I have loads of things that has been happening today and this is really a sucky day for all of this to happen as dada is working late. I really feel so lost. My mind is actually wondering all around the place and I cant seem to stop it.

I know its not really very healthy but I cant seem to fight it. I know time will heal it somehow. Sometimes I wonder, if I cant take this then how am I going to handle it if its a person who is so close to me? I do not think I can handle this kinds of stress. Moreover, I am so worried about my own student who went through with Liver transplant. He is my fav student and I love him so so much. I think I will just break down if anything happens to him.

I've learnt one lesson from today, ''Live your life to the fullest!!''

Libra

2009-06-19T13:44:00.000+08:00

http://www.cyberspacei.com/englishwiz/library/names/zodiac/libra.htm

Cheer Up =)

2009-06-18T10:59:00.005+08:00

Lifes too short. To fight. To be miserable. Dont let the bitter ones change how awesome you are.

Do not let anyone bring you down in no matter what way possible. Life is for sure too short for all these kinds of unworthy things. You can spend that time in a more useful way. You have many people who are always there for you and always wanting the best for you. Do not let them down in any way also.

Take a look at yourself in the mirror. Who do you see looking back?Or is there someone else you were meant to be? The person you should have been but fell short of?

Sometimes I feel that I am supposed to be a different person altogether, but somehow I am not that person. I do not know if I have changed but I just feel things are different. I know I am a better person than this, I guess we are still trying to figure ourselves out throughout our whole life through.

Sometimes happiness doesn't come from fame or money or power. Sometimes happiness comes from good friends and family and the quiet nobility of leading a good life.

I know I have a wonderful family and no one can change that ever. They have always been there for me through it all and I am grateful for it. Thank you so much for always showing me the love and concern. I have a wonderful boyfriend who never fails to teach me about life every single day and to help me in any way possible. I am glad I have these people in my life. I also have my students who are always making me happy in one way or another. I am thankful for being in this job and helping kids. I love them all.

Make A Wish...

2009-06-17T19:12:00.000+08:00

Make a wish and place it in your heart...

Anything you want everything you want...

Do you have it...Good...

Now believe it can come true...

You never know where the next miracle is gonna come from...

The next smile...

The next wish come true...

But if you believe that it’s right around the corner...

And you open your heart and mind to the possibility of it...

To the certainty of it...

You just might get the thing you're wishing for...

The world is full of magic you just have to believe in it...

So make your wish...

Do you have it...Good...

Now believe in it...

With all your heart

Life is a rollercoaster ride!!!

2009-06-11T20:15:00.002+08:00

It really hurts me to see someone I really love go through such a situation. I was really so upset and did not know what to do when I found out what had happened! I was really so lost! I was in a course and I could not concentrate at all. I had to turn to dada for help and to help me see things in the right way.

I was so stressed through out the whole day and could not think straight. All I know is that I wanted to break someone's face!! I would have really done that if I really could find that little brat!! Dont come and tell me this is love and all that rubbish! I saw through you the first time already and this is one of your indecent and sly plan to lure this person in.

Just remember that no matter what you do, YOU WILL NEVER WIN!! He has a strong support and his family and friends will always be there for him. Unlike you where you have NO ONE!! Just midn your own damn business and F**K OFF before I really break your face!!

You really do not know the power of friendship and true love from family and friends. And you must have thought that this would be an easy battle. BUT you thought wrong! Dont try your nonsense again!! You will really go down this time round!!

Our First Night Out.

2009-06-03T09:34:00.003+08:00

It was our first night out together, we had been planning like forever and it happened at last. It was really fun. We ate at Hooters and then went for dessert at Haggen Daz. It was wonderful. We were talking about so many things. We were also planning for a trip in August. Just the 4 of us. I am so loooking forward to that.

It was really nice, just having a girls night out, moreover we are a family and we should be able to be getting along well. Who cares if people cant except that we are ok with each other or what so ever. I mean we had our differences but now all is good. And I hope to think of it in that way.

Although I was sick, I was indulging on sinful delights. LOL. For one night I dont think anyone will get hurt. BUT I am coughing like mad now!! Hahaha..its all for a good cause so its all good. When I came back home, baby was already asleep. I guess he was waiting up for me but he just was too tired.

I am just listening to the radio now and surfing the net. When I am supposed to do paperwork. I cant wait for the end of the year as I will be celebrating Christmas & New Year in London. Yippie! And of course our friend's wedding in January. So we will be staying there for about 3 weeks and it will be great fun!! Never been to a far country before and this will be my second trip away. I am so excited. Now I am starting to buy my winter clothes already.

Cheers =)

GET A LIFE!!!

2009-06-02T08:23:00.003+08:00

I do not understand why people have so much to say, but they do not loook at their own backs!!! They just act so childish and never seem to stop. I guess these kinds of people are just so free and do not have a job, thus taking this on as their full time job.

You can say all you want, but you aint going to get the better of me. You think all these stuff will break me? You must be really thinking so highly of yourself eh? Oh maybe you dont have a life of your own that's why you need to keep coming here and updating yourself on my life.

Please find something better to do. But then again you are so low that I cant even believe I am wasting my time on such a low person. I dont go stooping so low to someone like you. You can write all you want, but that does not change any fact in my life. If you have something to feel happy about you will know what I mean. But I guess you dont, you dont have a job you love, you dont have someone who loves you back and you are so damn low!!

Find a better HOBBY!!!

Down with fever, cough and flu.

2009-06-01T10:28:00.002+08:00

It is not really a very good time to fall sick. I am having fever, flu and cough now. I just went to the doc's and every single time when I go there, my body temp will be normal. But when I get back home the fever starts to kick in again. Sigh!!

I am so pissed!! But I got a few meds so I am going to take them and rest for a little while. I have to get up later and do loads of paper work. I have meeting with parents these few weeks and I have to prepare the goals and progress reports of the kids. I hate paper work!!

Yesterday, we had a small BBQ cum Surprise Party for Matthew (sean's godson) for his 2nd birthday. It was really nice having family over and having a good meal. I love the chicken that Sean marinated and I LOVED the prawns that I marinated. It was so yummy!! Hahhaha..

Ok now I have to go n sleep. Meds is kicking in already.

Weirdest Dream!! Is it a blessing??

2009-05-18T13:27:00.000+08:00

I had a weird dream yesterday. I dreamt that I was pregnant, and I could feel the baby inside of me and had very bad backache. It felt so REAL!! I was in the hospital and I was lying on the bed in the observation room. When the doctor arrived, I asked if I was going to give birth anytime soon. BUT he said I will give birth next year March. Then I was moving to my side, and I was moving as though I had a baby in my tummy.

It was so weird. I do not know if its a blessing. But when I counted it will be 10 months from now till March. And its super scary. Hahah... I am just laughing for having to dream such a dream.

Every Little Thing Is Going To Be Alright =)

2009-05-13T17:18:00.002+08:00

There are things that I would wanna say, but there are also things that I would not wanna say.

I look at this wierd world and I wonder loads of things.

Then again, what do I have to say right?

I can only speak for myself and for my loved ones but not for anyone else.

On the outside, it seems all good and happy.

But deep inside I have loads of stuff that I am thinking of and I do not know what to do with all of it.

I sit in this train and watch all these ppl doing their own suff.

I wonder what is going on in their minds.

Mind your own business please!!

2009-05-10T15:23:00.003+08:00

I guess my blog is getting a few visitors who are just too free. But I just wanna let u know that I give two cents about your comments and 'words of encouragement'. If you didnt realise I do not reply to your tag msges, cause I find them a waste of my time. And if you have the guts, write your own name. You are just hiding and then calling me names and such. Sigh I just feel sorry for yoy and not myself.

With that said,

I would like to thank all those who kept my student Sage in your prayers and thoughts. He is discharged the day before yesterday and resting at home. He will not be able to have visitors as his immune is still not good. His system is not so complicated now and I am very thankful for that. Thank you all for the prayers.

Its been 1 week since my dada went to Auatralia for AASAM. It is a shooting competition held in Australia every year. I have another 2 more weeks to spend without him. I am already missing him so much. I hope that he does well and wins something back for himself.

I have a lot of things going on in my life right now. Things to settle, things and situatiosn to overcome. Sigh but I am strong and I know I can make it. I know my dada would want me to do it right, so I am holding on to everything and keep it good.

That's it for now. Happy Mother's Day to all Mothers. =)

the things we do in life.

2009-05-01T18:53:00.002+08:00

''Some of us escape the pain of regret by making the right choice. Some of us have little time for regret because we're looking forward to the future. Sometimes we have to fight to come to terms with the past, and sometimes we bury our regret by promising to change your own ways.''

Sometimes people just do things without even thinking so much about all the details. When you think so much about the details, you tend to question yourself if its right or wrong or how you can do it better or many other things.

I, on the other hand, thinks too much for my own good. I read too much in all the details, and its not too good. I start to think so much and it just makes it all worse. But I have my better days. I learn how to be easy on things, but at times I am so paranoid.

I do regret many things that I did in the past. But whats the point of regreting when its all over and you will not be able to change what have been done or said. So now I just live on and learn from my mistakes. I do not look back on the wrong things and cry. I am stronger and all of it just makes me even stronger than before.

4 years ago...!!

2009-04-29T13:26:00.000+08:00

On this day, My Uncle Willie passed away by a heart attack. I was very shocked to found out that he just passed away. And on that day it was hard for me to deal with everything, as I just had an accident with one of my friend's bike. I was very near home, and I feel off the bike as my friend was making a turn.

I was trying my best to contain my emotions, but when I came home I realised there was another situation I had to deal with. Anyway the friend that I feel off the bike from just passed away last year from a car accident. I was taken aback when I received that call to let me know about his accident.

I still remember all the things about him. I just miss him so much. Everything, the memories are all still so fresh. I just miss having him around.

Anyway, coming back to the present. I am going to miss the fatass!! He is leaving to Australia this coming Sunday. I hope he gets back fast and safe. Have a great trip baby =)

Is this always it??

2009-04-23T21:58:00.002+08:00

I just read an article online about nagging and how you can make a relationship a better one instead of always nagging and making a fuss about everything. And I will share it with you here:

In marriage, or any partnership, chores are a huge source of conflict. How do you get your sweetheart to hold up his or her end, without nagging?
One of my best friends from college has a very radical solution: she and her husband don’t assign. That’s right. They never say, “Get me a diaper,” “The trash needs to go out,” etc. This only works because neither one of them is a slacker, but still — what a tactic! And they have three children!
This is something to strive for. But even if we can’t reach that point, most of us could cut back on the nagging. Here are some strategies that have worked for me:
1. It’s annoying to hear a hectoring voice, so suggest tasks without words. When my husband needs a prescription filled, he puts his empty medicine bottle on the bathroom counter. Then I know to get it re-filled.
2. If you need to voice a reminder, limit yourself to one word. Instead of barking out, “Now remember, I’ve told you a dozen times, stop off at the grocery store, we need milk, if you forget, you’re going right back out!” Instead, call out, “Grocery store!” or “Milk!”
3. Don’t insist that a task be done on your schedule. “You’ve got to trim those hedges today!” Says who? Try, “When are you planning to trim the hedges?” If possible, show why something needs to be done by a certain time. “Will you be able to trim the hedges before our party next week?”
4. Remind your partner that it’s better to decline a task than to break a promise. My husband told me that he’d emailed some friends to tell them we had to miss their dinner party to go to a family dinner—but he hadn’t. Then I had to cancel at the last minute. Now I tell him, “You don’t have to do it. But tell me, so I can it.”
5. Have clear assignments. I always call repairmen; he always empties the Diaper Genie.
6. Every once in a while, do your sweetheart’s task, for a treat. This kind of pitching-in wins enormous goodwill.
7. Assign chores based on personal priorities. I hate a messy bedroom more than my husband, but he hates a messy kitchen more than I. So I do more tidying in the bedroom, and he does more in the kitchen.
8. Do it yourself. I used to be annoyed because we never had cash in the house. Then I realized: why did I get to assign that job? Now I do it, and we always have cash, and I’m not annoyed.
9. Settle for a partial victory. Maybe your partner won’t put dishes in the dishwasher, but getting them from the family room into the sink is a big improvement.
10. Re-frame: decide that you don't mind doing a chore — like putting clothes in the hamper or hanging up wet towels. Surprisingly, this is easier than you’d think.
11. Don’t push for the impossible. My husband knows that there’s no way I’ll do anything relating to our car, so he doesn’t even ask.
12. No carping from the sidelines. If your partner got the kids dressed, don’t mock the outfits. If you want something done your way, do it yourself.
13. Think about how money might be able to buy some cheap happiness. Could you find a teenager to mow the lawn? Could you hire a weekly cleaning service? Could you buy prepared foods? Eliminating conflict in a relationship is a high happiness priority, so this is a place to spend money if it can help.
14. Remember that messy areas tend to stay messy, and tidy areas tend to stay tidy. If you want your partner to be neat, be neat yourself!
I admit that these tips are practically useless, however, in a situation where one person is absolutely oblivious for the need for chores to be done. I have it easy, because if anything, my husband is more chore-oriented than I am. If a person simply does not care, it’s practically impossible to get him or her to participate.

After a while I question myself, so does it mean that you have to suck it up for everything and just do it or do you talk things out in a proper way and try to work it out together? But people are different and you can never want them to be the way you want them to be. I know its hard to get through to someone sometimes but at times you need to explain yourself or make yourself heard.

I think that people should meet half way instead of always going all the way out. Its a give and take world but sometimes people just do not get this. I realised you just have to suck it up until that person realises otherwises its just too bad. Cause how long are we going to say the same old thing, its really tiring!!

I feel like I am not going anywhere with this entry but I just wanted to share about the article. Hope you enjoy it or even if it helps or applies to you. Have a wonderful weekend ahead =)

Havent Been Here In A Long Time.

2009-03-24T21:35:00.005+08:00

Our 2 years anniversary @ Hogs Breath Cafe

SCAS Dinner & Dance '09

Fishing Escapade.

I Like =)

These past month or so have been really tiring and stressful, I would say. There is so many things to deal with and everything is just a cloudy black and white image. There are so many things happening on top of all of my personal things. It jsut keeps coming.

I am glad to have some friends in my life whom I can just turn to and these people I will NEVER forget in my life. I just enjoy thier company and the relationship we share together. I miss my darlings too. I havent seen my angels in like forever, need a meet up soon before I just burst with information.

Work is just chaotic, so much politics happening in the whole damn building. Just to get through that is a KILLER!! Need to loosen up from all of these stupid stuff and not let this affect me. But thank GOD that my dept is on the total opposit side. Thank you guys for everything.

My fatty has been very supportive for many things and I am very glad. Thanks so much fatass. I need it at a time like this. Anyway, I am so worried about you and your leg also. When I tell you somthing you dont wanna listen, then now see you have to go through all this nonsense.

Just wanna say that I miss all of you so much. Will try to meet each and everyone of you soon ok.

Muacks.

Love Love =)

Things you may never know.

2009-03-06T21:29:00.004+08:00

You may never hear or realised the true feelings the people around you have for you. You may think alot of things are missing and things that you think is happening in different ways. But all you need, is someone else telling you how things are and to put a different picture for you.

Recently, I had a few people telling me things that I never knew from that point of view. I mean its all good, and I am happy I knew this. Its just hard to digest but I know all of these are true. And I am grateful.

I am thankful I have so many people looking out for me and loving me so much. To know that I have so many loved ones, I am so blessed. I am really so happy to know all of the things I just found out. Thank you. Thank you so much!

I love you all so much. Thank for being in my life.

Our Special Sage

2009-02-18T13:26:00.002+08:00

I have a special child, his name is Sage
Wherever he went, he took centerstage.
Born on a special Christmas day,
What a wonderful gift to a wonderful day.

He was bright and happy and full of life,
But all this changed in his second week of life.
He slept through days and cried through nights,
Doctors were baffled, something’s not right.

Feelings of fear and anguish turn into despair,
Please don’t leave yet, there’s so much to share.
Then a guardian angel called Denise came,
And she gave his sickness a name.

It’s called MSUD, she said solemnly,
Then added, there’s no cure, unfortunately.
A lifelong special diet will make sure he lives,
Hopefully, a strong and healthy life.

Our lives have been different since that day,
A roller coaster of emotions everyday.
But Sage is with us, that’s all that matters,
Happy and full of life again, our little fighter.

Cindy Tan
July 2007

A poem written by one of my students' mum.
A touching poem and he is certainly a fighter.

Finding Out More About Certain Stuff.

2009-02-07T23:41:00.007+08:00

Recently, a very close friend told me certain things and I am not sure how I should react to it. I know I am very happy for my friend to follow his heart. But I guess I am just afraid. I told him that I will support and be there no matter what. And I totally meant what I said. Like what I mentioned, I am just afraid and concern thats all.

Darling, I know what you are going through and at certain times its unfair for you. But if you think this is a good decision and it will make u happy, then I will stand by u no matter what. My love for u will never cease darling.

You have always been there for me, and this is what I can do for you. I do not know how to express in words, cause I do not really know alot about this. But you mean alot to me. I am glad you shared it with me.

You will always be a friend in my hear that I will never forget even everything else changes. I know this whole entry is very vague but I know you know what I am talking about. The things that we used to do will always be as it is. The memories, the happy times, the fun and joy we shared. Everything will remain my dear. Things will definately change in future but that will not stop me from loving you.

You are the bestest friend I have ever had and I have never forgotten anything my dear. You were always there for me no matter what you had on your mind. And I am glad to have known you all these years. I am tearing as I write this, but these are happy tears and some sad ones. I love u my darling. I love u so much.

You will always be in my prayers and my thoughts. Everything will go smoothly. There will be obstacles that you have to face and I will always be there for u. You will have hard times to come but there will always be happy ones there after. Do not worry dear. Just believe in yourself for you have made this decision for your happiness.

All the best and god bless u.
Love you always my dear

Have a safe journey. =)

Happy 29th Birthday Fatty =)

2009-01-12T23:12:00.000+08:00

On our Way to Malaysia.

Things did not go as I planned for you birthday. I planned quite a lot of things since last year but I could not carry it out. But its ok next year it will be a totally different thing. I will do a good one for u.

Although this year's plans did not go as planned, it was still wonderful. And I am glad we did what we did. Thank you for being in my life and being the most special one. I love you with all my heart and that will never ever change.

You have showed me a totally different path and I am loving it every single moment. I wonder where have you been all this while. Thank you fatty. Muacks. I hope u enjoyed ya birthday and what I've planned for you.

Enjoy being 29 cause next year everything changes =)

Welcome 2009 With A Happy Heart =)

2009-01-01T22:06:00.002+08:00

Happy New Year to One and All!!!

It was a very good 2008. There were loads of ups and downs, but that is life right?? I am glad we got through all of those things and starting a new year together again. It has been a total bliss darling. Had a lot of things that we learnt in this year and I know that it has made all of us a better person.

I am glad that 2009 is here. Its a long way ahead and I have loads of things that I am looking forward to. I am very happy. Totally. I do not know what the future holds for me, but as long as I know that I am with my loved ones, I know everything will be fine. And I am glad that I still have them with me.

Relationships have been rocky, but at the end its all good. There are some which I cant care less, but most of it I am really amazed how things turned out to be. To those who do not matter to me, I know I dun matter to you also so just lets stay out of each others path. And to those whom I cherish the most, thanks for always being there for me. And for the blissful relationships that we share.

Happy New Year once again. =)

FYI I have set up a new website, and its still under construction, so will update the add soon ok. Take care.

Why do I feel like that??

2008-12-26T00:51:00.002+08:00

If it fair? Is anything fair in this world?? I do not know if I am doing it out of love or just for the sake of avoiding things from happening. But I guess there is always a limit to everything. Am I always at fault? Am I just a person you can show your anger and tantrums on? I feel exhausted!! Seriously. Try being on my end and you will know how I feel.

Sometimes anger and frustrations is constantly shown on me, that I bring myself so down and do not know where I stand anymore. Somehow or another I try very hard to be up again, but time and time again I fall down?? Are you there to pick me up, or are you the reason to make me fall once again?

I do not know! I seriously think that I am to blame for loads of things. I do not know if you are truely happy or just putting on a front to make everyone else happy. This is suppose to be the best day, but it turned out to something else! I am quite upset. But I cant show it cause it will be very wrong and I will be blamed for it too. So I just sit here and write it out!! And even shed tears along.

I can never really express how I really feel and it sucks so much. I am a person who constantly needs to share my emotions, but I am a totally different person who keeps everything inside. I am seriously lost in my own world, where I think of so many things that I do not normally think about.

Please do not let me fall too deep! Please do not push me off the cliff! If I really do fall so hard, I would not know what to do and I may be turned the other way round. I am really upset now and loads of things bothering me. I do not share with you how I feel cause I think that does not matter to you. So I keep mum and cry silently. Please help me before I am gone forever.

I really do love you and I do not know how to make sure you have enough. I seriously do not know what is enough at all. I am really lost. Lost in my own world!!!

The yearnings of my heart.

2008-12-04T16:29:00.002+08:00

Are you really going to go away for a month? I am supportive, but I guess its a sudden decision and I think I am not prepared. No matter what decisions you make, I will support and stand by you. I am just missing you loads.

I know you are doing it for the greater benefits of the both of us. Like I said I am just not prepared but I will be. I know its for us and I know things will be better. It is also a test for us to see the strength and endurance of our relationship. I guess one month is pretty short, compared to years.

I will support you dada, I will always be here for you like you are for me. Thanks for always thinking about us and our future together. It makes me really very happy and proud of who i fell in love with. You have done so much in your ability to make this relationship a strong and better one. Everyone falls and they pick themselves up, but in this relationship we have always been there for one another and that makes the whole relationship great!!

I will never trade this for anything else in the world. The things you have done for me, the gifts you have bought me, the extend you go to make me happy, its all priceless.
I just want to say I love you with all my ''small'' heart.
Come back soon and safely =)

The loneliness within..

2008-11-30T20:39:00.002+08:00

Baby is out of town once again. I am just missing him so badly.

I hit my head on a nail yesteday while painting the house. Ouchhhh!!! My smart brother put up his exercise equipment using the nails, and now the equipment is not there but the damn nail is still there. So I was climbing the chair to reach the ceiling and i just hit my head hard. I though i hit at the edge of the door but then I realised it was a nail. Arghhh...thanks so much bro!!

I do not have the mood to do anything. All I think about is you, all I smell is you!! Everywhere I go that's the smell, the thought is there. The heart is empty and yearning. Its as if a part of my heart is missing. Have you taken it with you?? I feel so empty without your presence. Now, its just meaningless without you around. And I am missing you so badly. I say that I can do my own stuff and its a good time away from you, but thats not the heart speaking. The heart hurts, when that is being said.

Now I hold on to the wonderful memories and the fact that you will do well in the competition. I know and I believe in you. You are the best and you should believe in that too. Just do your best fatty and bring back the championship trophy. I love you and I will be waiting.

My decision.

2008-11-16T22:28:00.002+08:00

For those who have read my blog, I wanted to change my job and now I have decided. I think I am going to stay where i am not. I do not have the heart to leave and I do not think I will be happy else where. I am very happy where I am and I am not going to change that.

Thanks for those who spoke to me.

My Baby's Back =)

2008-11-07T19:33:00.002+08:00

Today I was on half day leave, and I went to the Airport to fetch dada. I was all excited, it was like my first ever meeting with him. I was all tensed and having butterflies in my stomach. I brought my nephew with me to the Airport. He was running all over and I was snapping away.

Then baby came and I was so happy. After he came, I felt everything was back to normal. I missed him so much when he was away. Its alright I am so proud of him, won as Champs in the falling plates event. I love you loads fatty.

Anyway, after coming back my cousin was talking to me about her job interview and I was really so convinced to change my job. I am contemplating now!! Its a job in the Airport as a Passenger Relations Officer, the pay and working hours are quite good. I mean I have been talking so much about the pay that I am getting now, and this is my 'some-what' opportunity. BUT I love what I am doing now and I will sure miss the kids whom I am teaching. What should I do?

Please those of you who are reading, please please help me!! Give me suggestions and share with me on what you think. Please Please.

The long awaited update.

2008-10-28T16:54:00.004+08:00

Lately, I have been very busy with work. Since October started, the new schedule has bene draining me. I've fallen sick a few times already and still went to work. Manpower is really lacking at work, we are still looking for Interventionist and Interventionist Aides. So if anyone of you have anyone who wants to work, please ask them to contact me.

My tailbone has been giving me problems for quite a while already, I did not fall or injure myself so I am not really sure what happened. When I consulted the doctor today, he said that it might be cause of the posture when I work with the kids and moreover I have to carry them and all. So he ask me to have proper posture when I handle the kids, which is quite hard actually

Recently, baby and I went to Arena with a group of friends and I had a very very good time. It has been quite some time since we did something like that. I was kinda high that day, maybe it was cause of the chivas and green tea. It was so smooth that I didnt feel anything. Overall, I had a wonderful time.

We also celebrated Sharon's 21st b'day at DblO the night before her actual b'day. It was really nice to celebrate with her, and she got wasted. Haha..it was really so funny. I took pictures of her, it was really good. I guess its the sudden consumption of alcohol that caused her to react like that. But we left quite early as Sharon was wasted. *smiles*

We brought the kids to the Underwater World on 18th Oct. The kids were very happy and excited. They really enjoyed so much. I just kept snapping away, it was really a nice experience. I mean its been many years since I went there. After that, baby & myself stayed at the beach and relaxed a while. Then we went to Queensway to buy a shoe for baby. Then we went to Orchard Metro to use my b'day vouchers but to my disappointment, the wallet that I wanna buy only was the last one left and it was not in a good shape. So we just headed back home, but had dinner at Carls Jr before that.

I sent baby off to the airport in the early morning, as he is going to Brunei for 2 weeks. He is a shooting competition. After that I came back home and slept my day through. Then in the night we went to Club Ace to celebrate my mum's b'day. It was quite alright, I enjoyed it more cause it was with the people that menat to me. The club was alright..

I am so tired now and sick too. So I am heading to bed, took my meds all already. I just spoke to baby just now, so happy when I heard his voice. =)

Sorry for the long awaited update.

2008-10-13T18:48:00.005+08:00

My darling has just celebrated for me my 22nd B'day and it was awesome. He did almost everything by himself, from cooking to delegating people in-charge of my different group of friends. It was really so sweet of him to do all of it. I knew he was planning something, but i did not know it was something tt big and sweet. The pictures are in my facebook if u wanna see it.

Then I went for Sharon's 21st B'day party. I enjoyed myself there with baby, but i think that Caian (my newphew) was enjoying himself more than us. The pictures are up in facebook also.

I am so sorry, I can write more but I am to busy and tired and need to do loads of things. Just check my facebook for updates ok. And i will try to blog as much as i can.

Take care all of you =)

Its a Girl!!

2008-09-28T16:08:00.003+08:00

Baby Erinn Macaela Wales

The anxious wait for my nephew/niece.

2008-09-26T23:15:00.002+08:00

I was at the hospital earlier in the evening as my cousin is in the hospital on the verge of delivery. So a few of us was theer waiting and waiting, all so anxious to see the little one. But unfortunately, the nurses told us that it will not be any time soon, most prob ard 1am or so. Therefore, we decided to head back home.

I am so excited to know if it is a girl or a boy. Whoohoo I cant believe I do not know, and that my cousin and husband did not want to know also. Sigh but its a pleasant surprise. Lets wait till tomorrow and we will find out. I will post pictures and the information if its a girl or a boy.

Anyway I am heading to bed now to have my beautiful sleep. Good night all and for those who went for the F1 race, I hope u enjoyed and had a good time. Have a good weekend ahead. Muacks to all.

The Emptiness I Feel Inside.

2008-09-23T08:52:00.002+08:00

Some days the feeling is overwhelming and I cannot do anything to overcome it. Some days its just the opposite. I have never felt so happy in my life before, but at times I cannot understand why the feeling of emptiness stays in me.

Is it because I am working too hard or thinking too much? Am I pushing myself so much that I forget how to enjoy? Are we just so used to being together that we forget how to make each other excited?

For certain things I guess its true, but others I just think that we are not planning our time right. I am excited to be with you. I know we are just tired after work and need our personal time. But i guess I am thinking too much about all the other things that I just affect my ownself.

I am looking forward to many things with you. I know the feelings you have for me and I know its for real. Just trust and believe in me that everything will be fine. I love you with all my heart and I will never let that go. The excitement that I attain with you is beyond words. Thanks for always being there for me.

Updates??

2008-09-21T21:35:00.002+08:00

Hello!! I am back =)

I am so sorry for the long wait. I have been extremely busy with my work and just had no time to update my blog. Have been overwhelmed with a few things lately too. I am so excited for next month as there are many events that I am looking forward to. First of all, its my b'day and followed by b'days of those whom I treasure. Then the totally new schedule for my work place and that's going to be a killer. A few outings with the kids too.

Ok for my birthday, I am kinda excited cause my darling bf has planned some things for me which I have no clue of, and my darling angel is going to celebrate her b'day on my day too. Hmph its alright I still love you =) I am so excited about my surprise as its been 2 years since someone surprised me on my b'day. And you know who you are. Although I kinda found out about it after that, I still enjoyed it to the max. Thanks a million. Anyway, I have a few presents that I would love and I know no one is going to buy it for me, but I am still going to write it down. 1.PDA Hp

2.SLR Cam

3.Renoma Wallet

4.Cake Mixer (i know this is wierd but i love baking!!)

Ok enough of me and my b'day. I am just caught up with loads of work, so if I do not contact you or wat so ever please understand. I am just so exhausted at the end of the day that I just crash on the bed. You know sometimes I feel like its just a daily routine that I am doing everyday, and it kinda sucks. Its like I have no life at all. Sigh!! I have to get it back before it is too late. I am not getting any younger and it seems like a lifetime ago that I was a teen.

Sometimes I wonder who I should trust. You think that person is true to you and you share stuff and afterwards you find out something about that person. Its kinda sad but I guess I am used to that too. Been happening to me for quite sometime already.

Anyway things with my relationship has been going quite well and I am glad. Sometimes I feel so empty inside but I dont know whats the reason, I guess I am pushing myself so much at work and expecting so much from myself. I feel like I cannot breathe well.

I better go and rest now. The weekend flies past very fast and it seems like I didnt do anything at all. Sigh.

the feeling that still lingers..

2008-08-31T02:45:00.003+08:00

You have said things to me to make me believe in you. You have wept and said all of it. You poured out everything to me and helped me understand what you are going through. At times, I cannot help but feel the fear back again. I guess it will never go away.

I do not know if I should just hang on and believe things will get better or just keep fearing and falling apart. I know for sure that I cannot express what I have inside of me. So many things going on inside of this small head and heart of mine, that it hurts so badly.

I am scared, I remember everything, every little thing from the begining till now and I am very scared. I know you may not remember most of the bad things that has happened. But I do, cause I am like that. And you can justify yourself, by saying that I am mixed up. Its alright, no matter what I know what happened and its scares the shit out of me.

I guess after the last straw, you are just too afraid to fall back to the same position. And I am in that state now. I am super duper scared. I really hope I can overcome it and get on with life.

I guess each of us has our own ghosts.

The recent happenings.

2008-08-30T18:39:00.006+08:00

Lunch and Games by Berg Propolsion.

Yes she loves to pose for the cam.

miss felicia, miss nadia and miss agatha.

Saturday Spent With Him =)

my cool punk.

pretty girl with the umbrella.

Our Sunday Shopping

Overdue Date With My Darling =)

Banana Crumble.

I enjoyed myself so much dear. And my dear misha, I've missed u so much too. Its a shame that you could not join us for some funny and painful reasons. Nontheless, I enjoyed every minute with sharon. Talking and catching up with everything that has happened. Thank you for always being there for me my dear. I love u both always. And please lets meet the three of us soon!!! Muacks. =)

Live in the present.

2008-08-22T21:46:00.006+08:00

I sit and I think so much about my life, my work and everything else. Sometimes it makes my head hurt so much, and at times I wanna run away and fade into the background where I can lead a simpple and quiet life. *Hopefully*

I think and think and think, and I wonder what am I going to get out of it. I know its not going to help me one damn bit, but I cant help it. Arghh..Just recently my dept has been going through some little problems. And it has got me thinking that how can such a person with such a thinking & heart, work at a place where you need to be patient, big hearted and loving? I guess some just want to do this just for the fun and sake of it. How dare you say such stuff of the kids and their family, when you do not even know them personally and how much they have improved from the time they started the programme?

I also wonder, why are you so bothered about someone else's life when its already the past? Just get a life and move on. I do not know why things do need to come up now, but I am over it. Its not hurting me or making me upset in any way possible. How much would you go to do what you wanna do? I guess some people never give up eh? I have passed that stage where I do not bother what others are doing onto me, and just focus on my ever so complex life.

Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone and do not be troubled about the future, for it has yet to come. Live in the present and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.

**Hey peeps, do not worry that I am going mad or what so ever. This is just the normal rantings of my life. I guess people just go through all of these stuff, but when I write it out I feel much better. So do not be puzzled or worried ok. CHILL! I know you are thinking that I should tell myself that =) and the things that I write here might not be refering to anyone of you, its just my emotions and how I feel about the things around.

When you are the picture placed in the background.

2008-08-20T22:34:00.000+08:00

Did you ever look at a picture of yourself and see a stranger in the background? It makes you wonder how many people have pictures of you. There are so many times when you feel that you are out of place somehow or another. When you think of what you have done, there is nothing that comes to your mind as you know you didnt do anything. Cause the situation and tension just change all of a sudden. So what should you do about it? Just leave it and carry on with you life? Talk to the people who are making you feel such a way? Or just suck it up and ignore it all?

I guess it comes down to each single individual. To a certain extend it will affect you, and after some time of being like that I guess you will just ignore it. What is the point of thinking so much about it when it is going to be of no use? And if you talk to the people involve in it, how sure are you that you will be able to accept what they will say? So it comes down to my previous post, about accepting the truth.

So many things keep popping up in my world. People keep coming to me and telling me stuff about their problems. I am not saying I do not wanna hear any of it, but the more I hear the more I think about it. And when I know I cannot do anything to make things better, I go bonkers and think even more!! I know I drive MYSELF nuts, and no one else is doing that to me!

This is who I am! I think so much of others that I tend to forget about myself and my health. I wanna help as much as I can and at times I feel I am being taken advantage of. How sure are you that the person is telling the truth? Or just saying things to gain sympathy? I guess I will never know and it is down to that person. I will just take everything in. That's me!

The important thing is not to be bitter over life's disappointments. Learn to let go of the past, and recognize that every day won't be sunny. And when you find yourself lost in the darkness of despair, remember, it's only in the black of night that you see the stars, and those stars lead you back home.

'There are things that I heard and what is past is past and it will not affect me. People do make mistakes and I do not want to brood over it. Even I have made mistakes, so who am I to judge you? Thank you for everything no matter what happened in the past.' -Oreo-

Truth Hurts, That's The Sad Part.

2008-08-13T08:23:00.003+08:00

Are you strong enough to hear the truth? Even if you are strong, are you willing enough to accept it? I guess somehow or another, it will affect you. For myself, I keep finding out certain truths and it hurts and shocks me here and there.

At times when I know certain truths, I am shocked that I never knew all of it and why must things come suddenly.I try my very best to keep calm and acknowledge the issue, but it never stops me from worrying or feeling upset. Certain things I cannot really digest it in and I think about it alot and mostly all the time. I do not know how to overcome it at times.

I keep re-playing it over and over in my head and it hurts so much. How can I ever overlooked that in my whole life? It always crossed my mind but never did I know the truth till recently. I am so at lost and do not know what to do about it. Sometimes when I think too much, I feel its overwhelming and that I need to see a Shrink. But, then again, I guess this is all small matters compared to those who really are in need of that kind of help.

It truely hurts from deep withing and its really killing me so much. I need to get it out of me. Everything is just building up inside of me and I am so scared that I will burst out soon, and there will be no turning back. And I seriously do not want that to happen ever.

Please help me! I am in need to talk. In need to open up my heart and show what's buried in there for many years now. On the other hand, I need to be left alone and away from all the hurt, lies and fakeness!!

NDP Pictures from the Merlion =)

2008-08-10T17:55:00.003+08:00

This was GOOD!!

The starbucks crew singing the National Anthem loudly.

Funny truths about life in small small Singapore

2008-08-10T16:54:00.001+08:00

1. Nite - Sleep with air-con; Day - Bathe with heater on

2. Day - Cannot Wake up; Nite - Cannot Sleep

3. Cigarettes - Convenient to buy; not convenient to smoke

4. Chewing Gum - Can Chew, Cannot buy?? (Restrictions on buying)

5. Smell Of rubbish besides letterboxes; Rubbish inside Letterbox

6. Private Cars - Cheaper & Cheaper to Buy, harder & harder to Maintain

7. Education - Teachers teaching Less but expects students to learn More

8. High-tech barbaric singaporeans - know how to use state-of-the art equipment, but dunno how to use a simple dustbin or a toilet

9. There are quite a number of rich/poor in spore -! They have C! ar, Credit , Card, CPF .... but no Cash and lots of loans

10. Translation is needed between Singaporean Chinese and Mainland China Chinese

11. Sporean never like to vote, but like to complain

12. Half Sporeans rushed to buy Hello kitty, but the other half busy killing stray cats

13. Public Bus - Half the Crowd squeeze in front section of the Bus, Second section is for Carrying Ghost

The Pope!!

2008-08-10T16:40:00.001+08:00

Today after getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the Limo,the driver notices that the Pope is still has not entered the Limo.
'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your seat so we can leave ?'.
'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today.
''I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I can't let you do that. I'd lose my job!'.
'Who's going to tell ?' says the Pope with a smile.
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the Limo to 105 mph.
'Please slow down, Your Holiness!' pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear police sirens.
'Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license -- and my job!', moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his Motorcycle, and gets on the radio.
'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.
The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a Limo going 105.
'So bust him,' says the Chief.
'I don't think we want to do that, he's really important,' said the cop.
The Chief then asked, 'Who do you have there, the mayor ?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'
Chief: 'A senator ?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'
Chief: 'The President ?'
Cop: 'Bigger.
''So,' said the Chief, 'Who is it ?'
Cop: 'I think it's God!'
The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, 'What makes you think it's God ?
''Well', said the Cop: His chauffeur is the Pope!'.

The things I treasure the most.

2008-08-05T18:59:00.003+08:00

Things have changed so drastically in the world. People take things for granted, look past the small details of life and ignorant about many things. I realised that I was like that in the past, but now I look at the smallest things in life and am very happy. The small pleasure and happiness goes a really long way for me.

I treasure the people around me so much and am so scared to loose them at any point of time. I am living each day at a time and cherishing each moment that I have on Earth. I do not know when I will leave this place, but as for now I am enjoying my life as much as I can.

People have come and gone in my life, said things to hurt me, or wished for me to go down. But to me, I just wanna wish them all the best and pray for their good health and life. There s so many feelings in me but no words can explain how I really feel.

Sore Throat!

2008-08-05T18:27:00.002+08:00

Its been quite long since I really fell ill. Now, I am having slight fever, sore throat and flu. Arghhh!! I took MC today and stayed at home. I wanted to cook beef sauce and fry chicken, but unfortunately there was no gas. So much for wanting to cook. So mike bought for me food. Thanks.

This friday we will be having National Day celebrations at work and this is the first time we are doing it for our kids. I think its going to be fun and it is a good way for the parents to mingle around. But for this to be a success, we need to do loads of work. It will be fine.

Last Sunday, my brother, his gf, baby and myself went for Singfest not to watch the concert but to sell the tickets off. *LOL* We were lining up and nearing the enterance already and we realised that the tickets sold there quite high and people would want it lower, so we sold all four tickets. I know you people must be wondering why on earth did we do that. BUT we were not at a loss, we earned actually. Anyway it was worth it.

This weekend is going to be a tiring one for me again. On friday, we will be having the celebrations and then maybe dinner for my aunt. Saturday, Baby plan to go to esplanade so that we can watch the fireworks and will be having picnic by the bay. Yippie!! And on Sunday, someone is doing for their 4 year old child a party and my dept was invited, so I will be going. I actually took my in lieu for National Day on monday, but I realised I will be having too many kids on that day, moreover baby will have to work too. So I took on tuesday instead.

I better get some rest now or else I will not be able to go work tomorrow. =)

People I Miss..

2008-07-27T22:12:00.002+08:00

I am back in contact with some people whom I have lost contact with, or I would say I chose not to have contact with them. But I am glad I took a chance. Cause I am very happy to have that person back in my life again.

Thank you so much for being there for me always no matter what. Times have changed and now I am trying to be there for you. I guess we really know each other well, but now on a different level. I m glad we had this opportunity to at least have a friendship that I will treasure.

Just do not bother about what lies ahead of you. Just trust in yourself and lead our life. I know how much you are going through but be strong and show no worries. You taught me that by ignoring your enemies that is a way you teach them. So practice that too.

God bless you!!

Learnt So Many Things.

2008-07-24T19:55:00.001+08:00

Recently, I have learnt quite a few things about my life. It has made me realise how easy people take me and how twisted this world is. I have made myself think in a different perspective altogether. It made me a little sad when I found out certain things, but now I do not care. I am just living my own life and minding my own business.

I am just surviving. I am loving the things that I am doing now. Pray that everyone I love is doing well.

Can you always give in to others?

2008-07-11T22:15:00.002+08:00

There are will be lots of events where you have to give in to others. But this is not always the solution to a problem. When you keep giving in to others always, they tend to take advantage and may never realise their mistake. You think that by giving in, you will help to make the other person realise his/her mistake but at times it turns out the other way round.

Then there comes a time when the person has reached the peak point and will burst. This is natural human reactions and emotions. You cannot help but go through all of this. You cannot blame that person for reaching that peak point, cause the other party has pushed that person to reach there.

Bali Hut =)

2008-07-05T03:58:00.000+08:00

ooo i love the place.

ignatius and myself.

aunt monica and iggy.

the beer boys.

brothers!

the flash made us super bright!!

the boys for the night

brothers and aunt.

haha there goes my aunt!!

the group at bali hut.

did i mention i love the place??

my crazy aunt!!

Happy 1st Birthday Caian!!

2008-07-04T19:31:00.000+08:00

the bumblebee theme and decorations.

pin the donkey.

the contestants.

passing the parcel.

yes i know you will see one over-grown KID there!!

the b'day boy cutting his own cake!!!

Busy! Busy! Busy!

2008-06-21T23:58:00.003+08:00

Thursday, 19th June '08

My aunt and cousin arrived from Norway today. I am so glad and excited!! I could not fetch them from the airport as I had some events at work. Student from St Nick's came and did some games and interaction with the kids. It really meant alotto them. They provided snacks too.

I rushed to my aunt's place as soon as I was done with work. I was anxiously waiting for my cousin to come back. Oh my oh my, he has grown so much. so much taller than me now. I know that I am short actually. We had food and then went to play pool at Tampines Safra.

Friday, 20th June '08

Volunteers from Pasir Ris Family Service Center came and conducted games and interaction with our kids. It was really so fun for them, but the teachers were shorthanded and we were running up and down trying to keep the kids calm.

After work, I met my cousins and aunts at Bugis Street and brought them shopping. My cousin really enjoyed shopping over there. Then we went to Little India to eat Indian food. Continued Mustafah and then headed bck to Tampines.

I travelled all the way back to Telok Blangah.

Saturday, 21st June '08

We went to Sentosa in the morning. Had some package and all, so enjoyed ourself so much. My cousin really enjoyed himself. I stayed with them until about 4pm then rushed home. I had o go to NP for a show put up by the ICS.

I was very happy with the show. More moved by it actually. It meant alot to us and the kids. It was really very very nice. Thank you so much for all the time u have put in for this event. I hope people have learnt from this show and will be more aware of people with special needs.

Every Second Is A Wild Wanting!

2008-06-16T20:48:00.003+08:00

I miss you my fatass!!! Today is the third day and I am already in a fix. I have no idea what I am doing at times. Yesterday was quite alright sleeping without you, but I don't know if I can go through more nights like this.

My head is so painful and the sun is killing me. I guess the sun is the cause for the pain. But who am I to complain eh? I've been taking my meds well but it does not seem to help so much. Baby I am just constantly thinking about you. I am so so missing you!! I love u and come back soon.

Awaiting for your arrival.

2008-06-14T22:25:00.002+08:00

Now, its another 2 weeks I have to go without having you beside me. Having no one to hold me in the night and comfort me when I am feeling down or in pain. Its 2 freaking long weeks and I have no idea how I am going to go through it quite fast and normal. I will try my best though.

I am missing you a whole lot already. I do not know how to express it now, but I feel it so badly inside of me. The heart is beating so fast and I do not knwo how to control it. You have and are a big part of my life and having you to leave for trips like that scares a great deal in me. And not to mention being all alone.

At times I wonder how people live with their spouses travelling around and going on trips for work. I will never be able to adapt to that kind of lifestyle as I would love for my husband to be there with me through thick or thin. I cannot bare to live away from them, but a few days once in a while is exceptional.

Anyway, I guess I will be blogging a little bit more as I have no where to share what I am feeling. At leat when my oldman gets back I can let him read my bloggie.

And my sweet dear friend Sharon is not here too!! She left for Boston last sat and I am missing her a whole lot. She will be away for 5 weeks. Sigh!!! And I am left all here!! Bleahs I also wanna run away and hopefully not come back..

Every moment I spend with you.

2008-06-14T22:17:00.002+08:00

There’s something special in your eyes

Your breath is the wind that makes my heart soar like a kite
The one whom the whole world desires is close to me
I have so much to say and yet I question…

Should I voice what I’ve so often repeated in my heart?
There’s something special in your eyes
Your breath is the wind that makes my heart soar like a kite
The light emanating from you

Makes even the moonlight but a pale shadow compared to you
Your eyes created such a tumult in my heart that…
All I wish for now is to drown in them

Every moment I wished for desires fulfilled
Every moment I tested my courage
The cloud of good fortune rained down on me
The showers left me feeling restless and eager
Then my beloved, my heart’s desire, went away